I know this from experience because I married and thought that I had fallen in love with a sexual Houdini, a master, a man who had researched, visualized and honed his craft. In retrospect, I thought I had fallen in love when instead I had been subjected to a calculated manipulation. Of course I went along for the ride because – well I’m not stupid, the sex was mind blowing. Also because I still wanted to believe in love forever and always, graying and getting old together, weathering the storms, blah, blah, blah – together.
I became wise to his training when 4-5 years into our relationship, he introduced me to his bible – The Tao of Sexology. I have since given it away. I guess I’m a slow learner, because it took me another 3-4 years to accept that without that book I would have seen a completely different person AND that what I thought was love was really just basic chemistry, biology and a bit of intoxication. He hid his true personality well for an exceptionally long time, bit by bit. After our son was born and we decided that I could stay home with baby – he began to say things like ‘ it’s my money, my house, if you don’t like it, leave’. Of course he was always sorry later or would attribute it to My stress level. But I digress.
Reading his 'bible' gave me lot of insight into his manipulation and explained a lot about those early days. The marathon sex sessions, aided by wine or bud that went on for hours and turned any hotel room, even his crappy little bedroom into a palace. All calculated and controlled. It explained his ability to go for days literally without ejaculating all the while going at with me for hours every day. Amazing, truly you should read the book. Of course later that skill simply pissed me off and I avoided him more and more as his true personality was revealed.
So I have come to the conclusion that we’ve all been duped and that we actually enjoy it. Love is and always will be simply your body reacting to a chemical change brought about by the right combination of touch, lies and intoxicants. The stuff about the heart is total bullshit – it’s a muscle and that romantic heart exists only in our minds and in the movies. So we buy into the bullshit, else the entire movie industry would collapse.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Marriage - How Badly Can We Suck
Marriage – a social experiment long past needing a make over. That's right, we've given it a good millennium or two and the jury has long been in – we suck at marriage in it's current state. So how about we re-visit the institution and it's terms. When I say we, of course I mean Americans. I also think that as a whole, we have some serious self esteem issues. Re-vamping this tired and broken institution could be a real ego booster. Our stock abroad would soar, or at least improve a bit.
First – marriage in its current state primarily benefits the husband – in hetero unions. I have high hopes for gay marriages, I hope that they set the standard in long term commitment. I know from experience what I speak because my husband didn't believe in marriage. I was married – he wasn't. His life went on as it had before and he kept his wedding bands (yes multiple) in an assortment of odd places – like the console of his car (that was later re-po'd and taken away) or at one point – on his key ring? I have no idea what that last one was about psychologically.
But marriage benefits the husband. Generally speaking. I have heard tell of a rare kind of union where couples share responsibilities and enjoy each others company, laugh, dance together. I've not witnessed nor experienced it so I cannot confirm. It benefits the husband because it's in our dna to give and care for and it's in their dna to pretend not to see and to be disabled, dim witted or in some other way impaired – when convenient.
Yes – I'm bitter. And a bit wiser – about the farce that we wax so poetic about, incessantly called love. But that's for a later entry. Marriage is an institution for the insane and it should be a union of like minded people who agree to co-mingle assets and body fluids for a guesstimated period of time. First of all if we all know that a life time commitment to anything is just silly. Written for a time when a life sentence was maybe 30 years – we now would have to go through 3 of those today. From there the contract could be as specific or general as you want it to be. Yes a contract between two people who agree to behave a certain way for the good of the pair or group as it expands, for a period of time, with liberal options to extend. Whether you choose to bring God into it is your preference. And as far as kids are concerned – who knows whether it's better to expose them to a loveless, selfish experiment in long term torture OR to the rigors of divorce. Either way, they will definitely have topics to discuss in group.
I think that if marriage vows were written to reflect our collective attention spans we would be better at it. We would also have to revise how marriage statistics were reported. That would be a real image and self esteem booster. So if a couple contracted for 5 years with an option and chose not to renew – that would go in the success column. Our numbers would soar as would our reputation abroad. Wow – check out the Americans – 92% success rate – how do they do it?!
I envision a time in the distant future when this relic called marriage will be gazed at with great wonder and amazement. Picture it – 500 years in the future a father and son in a museum. "Wow, Dad – you mean people actually stayed together till they died? That would be 130 years with the same person!" Well they didn't live that long way back then, son. Still it would amount to 70, 80 years. Yep. I hear tell that men would have affairs and order catalog brides. It was a crazy time. Now go find your fifth step sister and 3rd mom twice removed so we can go get lunch."
It could happen.
First – marriage in its current state primarily benefits the husband – in hetero unions. I have high hopes for gay marriages, I hope that they set the standard in long term commitment. I know from experience what I speak because my husband didn't believe in marriage. I was married – he wasn't. His life went on as it had before and he kept his wedding bands (yes multiple) in an assortment of odd places – like the console of his car (that was later re-po'd and taken away) or at one point – on his key ring? I have no idea what that last one was about psychologically.
But marriage benefits the husband. Generally speaking. I have heard tell of a rare kind of union where couples share responsibilities and enjoy each others company, laugh, dance together. I've not witnessed nor experienced it so I cannot confirm. It benefits the husband because it's in our dna to give and care for and it's in their dna to pretend not to see and to be disabled, dim witted or in some other way impaired – when convenient.
Yes – I'm bitter. And a bit wiser – about the farce that we wax so poetic about, incessantly called love. But that's for a later entry. Marriage is an institution for the insane and it should be a union of like minded people who agree to co-mingle assets and body fluids for a guesstimated period of time. First of all if we all know that a life time commitment to anything is just silly. Written for a time when a life sentence was maybe 30 years – we now would have to go through 3 of those today. From there the contract could be as specific or general as you want it to be. Yes a contract between two people who agree to behave a certain way for the good of the pair or group as it expands, for a period of time, with liberal options to extend. Whether you choose to bring God into it is your preference. And as far as kids are concerned – who knows whether it's better to expose them to a loveless, selfish experiment in long term torture OR to the rigors of divorce. Either way, they will definitely have topics to discuss in group.
I think that if marriage vows were written to reflect our collective attention spans we would be better at it. We would also have to revise how marriage statistics were reported. That would be a real image and self esteem booster. So if a couple contracted for 5 years with an option and chose not to renew – that would go in the success column. Our numbers would soar as would our reputation abroad. Wow – check out the Americans – 92% success rate – how do they do it?!
I envision a time in the distant future when this relic called marriage will be gazed at with great wonder and amazement. Picture it – 500 years in the future a father and son in a museum. "Wow, Dad – you mean people actually stayed together till they died? That would be 130 years with the same person!" Well they didn't live that long way back then, son. Still it would amount to 70, 80 years. Yep. I hear tell that men would have affairs and order catalog brides. It was a crazy time. Now go find your fifth step sister and 3rd mom twice removed so we can go get lunch."
It could happen.
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