Pain is Good

I have this cousin, who shall remain anonymous, (rhymes with Fark) , who is the personification of lazy, has a PhD in lazy and hence causes himself and others much pain. Also my dear sister, having been seduced by the complacency and ready made excuse of that marginal and completely laughable religion - Jehovah's Witness, whose work experience totals less than 6 months, the same - with a Master's in Denial.

I have noticed the same trend among many young people that I've come to know primarily through my daughter, who is gradually coming to grips with this very basic principle or truth. Here is that truth - Pain is Good. It serves its purpose and without it we would not be able to experience joy. But we seem to be in a perpetual pain avoidance mode and it is encouraged by medical doctors, pharmaceutical companies and professionals.

Ultimately total pain avoidance leads to greater pain then if we had endured and worked though the pain initially. We were born to pain - labor pains. Chances are we'll go out to pain - many won't have the good fortune of going in our sleep, dreaming of breakfast or flying on angel wing, then simply floating away - like my 97 year old aunt did. Of course we don't really know. She could also have opened her eyes one last time, looked around at pictures with the clear eyes of a 20 year old, at the comfortable old slippers and her favorite coffee cup. Maybe in her minds eye she looked at her little apartment - more pictures and gifts from grand kids and greats, the kitchen that she only yesterday had used, that last little slice of cornbread or banana bread she'd been saving for coffee and the home attendant who lay sleeping on the sofa. She might fret about her being the one to find her cold and still in the morning. Maybe she then thought sadly 'I'm gonna miss you all so. Then maybe - she closed her eyes and was gone.

So my point is this - pain is a part of life and we should not only accept it, but embrace it as affirmation that we're dong the right things. In other words, if there is some suffering on your part - it's probably a good thing. Example - if you're looking for a job then you should be tired at the end of the day. Looking for a job is a job. You have to start early and end late. You have to juggle, coordinate schedules, plan your time and have a game plan. To do the things you need to do should and will drain if you're doing it right.

Good pain - makes you stronger. You have to know the difference between good pain and bad. Going to the gym and being sore after - good pain. Working on a piece of equipment and feeling a sharp stabbing pain - bad pain - you should stop and get a demonstration from someone who knows. Spending an hour or so cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming and sweeping, putting away clothes, is an aerobic activity - good pain. Burns calories, de-clutters the household so that everyone can think and is gratifying to you and can be a source of pride. Good pain.

Doing that kind of work only to have someone come home and belittle, criticize, bully and insult and possibly brutalize or at least keep you in a constant state of fear - Bad Pain. Your response should be to work as hard as possible to get out. Don't hide behind a religion that prohibits or discourages divorce from a crazy person. The person who is brutalizing you, that you are allowing to hold you hostage, doesn't need spiritual counseling. He might need long term substance abuse rehabilitation, he might need job training, skill building, support groups - his issues are so beyond the scope of a group of old men wagging fingers and reminding him of his spiritual responsibilities. Once again - Bad Pain.

If your teenager wants a new game system and you've set some grade point requirements, that teen will be stronger and better prepared for life if he/she puts in the time and effort to attain that grade point average. If you're willing to devote your time to something, exercise your brain or muscles, you will be rewarded and the work in itself is both healthy and rejuvenating. The longer you embrace it the better you feel.

Whereas, being lazy, looking for the short cuts in life the hook ups, freebies, doing the bare minimum, is exhausting and only marginally effective. You end up working harder avoiding work then if you had done the work in the first place. You know what I'm saying - you do a shoddy job today, you'll just end up having to do it over later on, possibly damaging some of the key components or losing them, so when you do you have to buy more parts, incur more expenses, delays, etc.

Getting 'free money' from the state - sounds good, might not be. There are some unspoken expenses when you take money from the state - strings attached that you should consider. It's like inviting the government into your living room and having to offer them pastries and coffee; they how have a say in everything you do. The government has an extra pair of eyes watching you. You're getting aid for food to feed your children, then they can verify that you are using it for that if they choose to. Granted those eyes are distracted and overworked at best and they have so many families that if they are looking, it's only a glance at best/worst. But it's called Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, emphasis on temporary. That means that you should be working your butt off trying to get to a point where you don't need it anymore. Move out of the way for people behind you on their way up the food chain.

But back to my cousin ' Fark'. This man is in his 50's now and to use the word sporadic to describe his work experience is stretching the word as far as any semi-literate person cold. I've known him to quit jobs because he didn't want to go home from a party. So F-it, this party is so hot, I'll just skip going to my second day on the job and for that matter the 3rd. through never returning. Seriously. He's shacked up with weak women solely for an address. He's had to go crawling to his smug older brother over and over for money while having to endure the visible shame, pity and outright revulsion his brother has for his place in life. One good thing is he hasn't had any children with these ill fated liaisons, so no little 'Farks' running around avoiding work and working harder.

So get comfortable with 'Pain is Good. It's going to be around for a while and with you for a while. Just be able to tell the difference between good pain and bad. To feel pain and work through the suffering and sacrifice and then realizing the reward of progress is the stuff of life that makes the sweetest memories. These will be the stories of courage that you will tell your kids and grands. They will then use them as guideposts and anchors to help them on their way in life. These are the things that make up legacies and family histories to be witnessed to at family reunions and should be memorialized. Pain is Good.